When a Sibling Is the Problem: Growing Up in Abuse.

Unknown Speaker (0:00): What if your child could download any app from an app store using a fake age and without a parent even knowing? Unbelievably, Congress is considering the so called Parents Over Platforms Act, which allows kids to do just that. It's really a Platforms over Parents Act because there is no age verification, no parental approval. And putting platforms over parents is no way for Congress to keep kids safe online. But the App Store Accountability Act provides real control for parents, requiring parental consent for children to download apps from an app store based on clear, accurate age ratings.

Unknown Speaker (0:37): Because either parents decide what's best for their children or someone else will. For your kids and your family, read the App Store Accountability Act for yourself and tell Congress, empower parents to protect kids. Pass the App Store Accountability Act. Learn more at digitalchildhoodalliance.org. Paid for by the Digital Childhood Alliance.

John Jay Wiley (1:00): He was mentally and physically abused as a child for years. As an adult, 22 years of age, he was mugged in London. All this had a profound impact on him and his relationships. He's here to talk about that and his recovery. Welcome to the law enforcement talk radio show.

John Jay Wiley (1:19): In the law enforcement talk radio show, we are joined by special guest talking about their experiences, their realities of investigating crimes. Plus, those who've experienced horrendous trauma, police, first responders, military, and victims of crime share their stories. Hi. I'm John Jay Wiley. In addition to being a broadcaster, I'm also a retired police sergeant.

John Jay Wiley (1:41): Be sure to check out our website, letradio.com, and also like us on Facebook. Search for the law enforcement talk radio show. Be sure to follow me on the

John Jay Wiley (1:51): clubhouse app. It's like having your own talk radio station on your phone. And best of all, it is free. Be sure to follow me, John J. Wiley at LET Radio Show and look for major announcements.

John Jay Wiley (2:03): That's right. The Clubhouse app is free and be sure to follow me, John J. Wiley or at LET radio show for major announcements. That's John J. Wiley or at LET radio show on the Clubhouse app.

John Jay Wiley (2:18): Did I mention that it is free? Conte is

John Jay Wiley (2:20): from California. We have Nathaniel Allendy on the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show. Nathaniel was physically, mentally, and other abused throughout his entire childhood, and it had a profound impact on him. As an adult at 22 years of age, he was mugged in London, which also compounded the impact on him. He's written a book.

John Jay Wiley (2:41): We're gonna talk about what happened. We're gonna talk about his journey before and after and where he's at today. He's written a book called The Cycle of Kindness. Website is thecycleofkindness.com. Nathaniel, thanks for being guest on the show.

Unknown Speaker (2:53): Very much appreciate it.

Unknown Speaker (2:54): Good morning, Jay. Thanks for having me.

John Jay Wiley (2:56): It's a pleasure to have you here, and it's also not easy to talk about. So one thing I did not say earlier is, Nathaniel, if I ask you something you're not comfortable talking about, just say I can't talk about that. We'll edit it out. It's not a big deal.

Nathaniel Allendy (3:12): I'm Nathaniel a very open, honest, transparent person.

John Jay Wiley (3:15): Good for you. Nathaniel, how old of a guy are you now?

Nathaniel Allendy (3:19): I am 42.

John Jay Wiley (3:21): Oh, you're still a youngster. You're a pup. You got a long ways to go before you catch up to me. And then by the way, I'm in my late sixties now. Then unfortunately in police work, this is something we encounter quite a bit.

John Jay Wiley (3:35): And the other thing that we encounter quite a bit is people being angry as a result of these I always say anger is but a symptom. Let's talk a little bit about your childhood. You described yourself as being mentally and physically abused during pretty much your entire childhood.

Nathaniel Allendy (3:53): Yeah. I have a picture of me at six months old where my older brother is sitting on me, has a big grin on his face. I'm crying, and someone's taking a picture instead of helping me.

Unknown Speaker (4:09): Yeah. Yeah.

Nathaniel Allendy (4:10): And that's very much how I think of what took place. My father kind of perpetrated this kind of behavior on his little brother, So he deemed it as acceptable. You know, boys will be boys. And my mother believed it was my father's responsibility to handle this. Be protector.

Unknown Speaker (4:33): Where were you raised?

Nathaniel Allendy (4:34): I was raised in Oregon.

John Jay Wiley (4:36): Oregon. Alright. So would you say that that was one picture of a snapshot of most of your childhood?

Nathaniel Allendy (4:44): Yeah. My brother was amazingly, like, surprisingly, how could a child of this age be this good at psychological, physical, mental torment? It baffles my mind having this as a concept.

John Jay Wiley (5:04): And when you say when you say psychological torture, what do you mean?

Nathaniel Allendy (5:09): He would bully, belittle, diminish, make fun of, threaten, be aggressive, abuse. He would say all kinds of things, do all kinds of things. He later on after my younger sister was born would actually go and threaten her and say, hey, if you don't make fun of or pick on Nate, that's what I went by as a child, with me, then I'm gonna get you.

John Jay Wiley (5:46): Was most of the abuse, Nate, from your brother, or was it from your father or parents or or or all of the above?

Nathaniel Allendy (5:54): The abuse was solely from my brother at home, but this paved the way for it to take place at school where I received a significant amount of bullying as well.

Unknown Speaker (6:08): Yeah. Well, I went through that too. And funny funny thing was the bullying I didn't I was the oldest child, but and I have four younger sisters. But the bullying in school, see, I was a redheaded kid who had a fiery temper would fight back. And once I started fighting back, even if I lost, the bullying stopped.

John Jay Wiley (6:25): Yeah. And, unfortunately, that's I I say all the time nowadays, nothing works better than punching a bully in their mouth.

Unknown Speaker (6:35): I believe it.

Unknown Speaker (6:36): And it it it tends to carry over.

Unknown Speaker (6:38): My strategy.

John Jay Wiley (6:40): Well, here's the thing. Look. I came home I'll I'll be totally honest. I came home school quite a bit crying, and I was a lousy fighter. It wasn't until I became older that I became better at it or I didn't realize I was good at it.

John Jay Wiley (6:53): But I still carry that mindset around of being eight years old on the school yard lot.

Nathaniel Allendy (6:59): Mhmm. Yeah. I had a very different experience by the time I was 12. I was in therapy at school for the abuse. I realize I'm in a psychology program right now working towards becoming a marriage and family therapist so that I can help others with their abuse and traumas.

John Jay Wiley (7:19): Right.

Nathaniel Allendy (7:20): Because I know the value of it. But early, early on, I subconsciously came to the realization that because this kind of abuse was permitted, then this must be acceptable. This must be what I deserve or that I have the value or worthiness that says this is okay. And so I had this real belief of low self worth. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (7:49): I get became a victim.

John Jay Wiley (7:51): I I I I get that totally. Part of me and it took a lot of work, and therapy was part of it. But part of me was, there must be something about me that deserves this kind of treatment.

Unknown Speaker (8:02): Mhmm.

John Jay Wiley (8:03): And I would take really bad treatment from other people, especially in my adult life.

Unknown Speaker (8:09): Yeah. Same.

John Jay Wiley (8:11): And will you say that that was the same? Did you find it difficult to or or did this stuff impact your adult relationships?

Nathaniel Allendy (8:21): Completely. To this day, I'm still working on being able to assert my own boundaries and enforce them. Yeah. But early on as a young adult teenager, I got myself into situations where men attempted to or did take advantage of me.

Unknown Speaker (8:43): Uh-huh.

Nathaniel Allendy (8:44): Nonconsensual behaviors, some painful memories, some really awkward and uncomfortable situations, things that I feel a bit ashamed of to this day.

John Jay Wiley (8:57): Let's hang on to that thought about the the shame part of it because I I gotta ask you this question. Did and I don't know how to phrase this in a way that makes a lot of sense. Did you find that there was something about you that you felt was flawed that you felt you deserve this kind of treatment?

Nathaniel Allendy (9:20): Consciously, no. Probably on a subconscious level, yes, because it had happened so much that it became a normal part of my existence. It was routinely taking place at school and at home. I had no real escape for it. So I learned escapism at a really early age.

Nathaniel Allendy (9:42): I started playing video games and got deep into that to the point where it became an addiction when I got depressed and dropped out of college at about age 20.

Unknown Speaker (9:55): Mhmm. I get it. I found that a lot of things, and it's funny. I just had a conversation with one of my sisters about this, that we cannot resolve past issues. That's in the past.

John Jay Wiley (10:06): So all we can do is focus on the today and making pleasant memories for ourself and on those who we choose to be around. This is law enforcement talk radio show. We're turning our conversation with Nathaniel Allendy in just a few moments. Nathaniel suffered significant mental, physical abuse as a child. He was mugged at 22 in London, which we'll talk about later on.

John Jay Wiley (10:27): And he's authored the book, the cycle of kindness. The website is thecycleofkindness.com. Be sure to subscribe

John Jay Wiley (10:32): to our YouTube channel. Look for law enforcement talk radio show and podcast on youtube.com, and be sure to subscribe. Like everything we do, it is free. Look for and subscribe to law enforcement talk radio show and podcast on YouTube, where you'll find great police videos and episodes of the podcast. Best of all, it is free.

John Jay Wiley (10:52): This is law enforcement talk radio show. Don't go anywhere. I promise you. We'll be right back. Of all the radio stations in The United States, there are no other shows like the law enforcement talk radio show.

John Jay Wiley (11:07): And on Facebook, there's only one official page. Do a search on Facebook for the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show, and be sure to like the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show Facebook page. Return our conversation with Nathaniel Allendy, a contact is from California from San Diego, California. He suffered significant mental, physical, and other abuse as a child for most of his childhood. And when he was 22, he went to London, as I'll just say as a tourist and wound up being mugged, all of which had a profound impact on him, which he'll talk about more in a few moments.

John Jay Wiley (11:47): He's authored the book, The Cycle of Kindness. The website is thecycleofkindness.com. There's thecycleofkindness.com. I wanna go back to your childhood and and not to wallow in what happened, but more so that people can understand that are listening the impact on you. Because I'll I'll be honest with you, Nathaniel.

John Jay Wiley (12:05): None of us had it easy. In life is not like for me, it wasn't. It's not like a, Courier Knives moment. There's tough stuff that happens. So when you say physically abused, what was that like?

Nathaniel Allendy (12:19): It was terrifying. There were so many times where the fear was worse than the actual punishment. There were fights that would take place. There were only a few times that I would fight back. I mean, I had an older brother.

Nathaniel Allendy (12:35): He was bigger. It was only until I was mad as and just can't take it anymore kind of thing that I really stood up for myself. But years and years passed by where for the most part I didn't and I became more reclusive. I would hide. I was a very unique kid.

Nathaniel Allendy (12:58): I might be on the spectrum. I've had a couple psychologists suggest this, and I was extremely good at academics. And this painted a target on my back at school, and my brother seems to resent my success at home. I developed this belief of unworthiness that we talked about earlier and because of that I had this conceptualization that if I became perfect or if I became so great that no one could pick at my flaws then I wouldn't receive this abuse. So I turned to perfectionism which didn't work but I was working towards it anyway.

Nathaniel Allendy (13:48): I became a straight A student, was one winning school wide spelling bees and geography bees and won a statewide math competition every year. I was in middle school, and my brother seemed to just resent me all the more for it. He didn't wanna listen to his professor

Unknown Speaker (14:09): Is it is it safe to

Unknown Speaker (14:10): say as he is old.

Unknown Speaker (14:11): Safe to say you didn't get the results you thought you'd get out of this?

Nathaniel Allendy (14:15): Certainly. I definitely didn't get the results that I thought I wanted out of it. It actually created a ton of conflict within my parents' relationship because they were constantly at odds with how to handle this situation. My mom didn't like it, was very frustrated by it, but she thought it was my father's responsibility. And so my dad, as good of a father as he was, you know, they do the best they can

Unknown Speaker (14:43): Uh-huh.

Nathaniel Allendy (14:43): With the skills that they have. He thought it was normal because it was the experience of his childhood. And so it wasn't his top priority to do anything about it. He wanted us to learn how to work it out ourselves. That was really hard for me

John Jay Wiley (15:02): when I I get that. And I'm not finding fault with your parents. I get that totally. But there's sometimes you've got to the thing about parenting from my experience is you're not there to be their friend. You're there to make sure that they survive and they have the skill set as an adult to be successful.

John Jay Wiley (15:21): That's it. Then as they're older and adults, then you become friends.

Nathaniel Allendy (15:25): Yeah. I've actually told something very similar to my daughters. It's my job to protect you even from each other.

Unknown Speaker (15:33): Especially from each other. Man, some of the biggest battles I had over my sisters. I used to pray at night. Dear god, please turn so and so into a boy so I can beat his you know what for five minutes. And they never happen.

John Jay Wiley (15:48): They're still feeling I I have four younger sisters. I always tell people this all the time. My dad was a Korean navy guy. He was gone a lot. Mom took care of business.

John Jay Wiley (15:56): She's Irish Catholic, and that's the way she was. But if you don't like the way I am, I was raised by women and taught by women. So let let's be realistic about the the situation with since the industrial age came upon us, men have been out of the equation for a long time.

Nathaniel Allendy (16:16): Yeah. In terms of parenting Yeah. Regular, consistent presence.

John Jay Wiley (16:22): And they don't know what to do. I'm not making excuses for your dad or anybody else, but they don't know what to do if they're they're still around. And a lot of people, unlike you and me, don't have parents in their lives, don't have a father in their life, and they they did well. So it's like, what what is it about me that I what lesson then and here's a thing I'm gonna go back to. You said I had to learn to be assertive, not aggressive, or assertive when I'm not angry.

Unknown Speaker (16:48): How was that going for you?

Nathaniel Allendy (16:50): Yeah. I was really struggling with anger and resentment for a very long time. I actually attended a leadership and emotional intelligence training two years ago that I'm still a part of called the next level trainings. There's a variety of different schools, but it's a large group awareness format where facilitators guide participants through a variety of exercises. And, Jay, John, I realized how much anger I still had inside of me.

John Jay Wiley (17:28): Yeah. I'm still a pretty angry person. People don't describe me as being angry, but I I am. I don't show it on the outside as much as I used to when I was younger, but I'm still internally very angry.

Nathaniel Allendy (17:38): I feel really blessed to have found this, let go of so much of that anger, let go of so much of that resentment, shift away from the victim mentality that I had held onto for so long and truly I feel so much more liberated in life by it because there's so much less of this trapped energy inside of me that's connected to those experiences, which I had held onto for so long. It became a part of my identity. Mhmm. And so when we're capable of releasing, you know, forgiveness has such a profound place in this realm. And it's not to, you know, permiss the other person's behavior.

Nathaniel Allendy (18:38): It's so that we can release the attachment to the energy that we have from these past moments.

John Jay Wiley (18:47): Yep. I I get that. I I one of the conversations, and this is so this is so spot on with me, and I I believe it's a spot on situation with a lot of people. They may not realize it. They may not may if they're uncomfortable, there's a reason why.

John Jay Wiley (19:00): When you listen to this, there's a reason why, and it's usually because there's some measure of truth to this. One of the things I had to do was I had to realize, and I think we referred to this, that I cannot resolve successfully stuff that happened in the past. There's nothing I can do about the past. All I can do is about the present and the future, and a lot of what I do is dictated by my past. So it it can become a catch 22.

Nathaniel Allendy (19:27): Yeah. You mentioned religion earlier. I was raised Roman Catholic. It was very important to my mother that we all went to church every Sunday. And despite having read the Bible 17 times before I was 17, I struggled with the concept of forgiveness.

John Jay Wiley (19:47): Trust me. I still struggle with that. We'll take a short break on that note. We'll return our conversation with Daniel in just a moment. Now, Nathaniel Allendy was mentally and physically abused severely for years as a child.

John Jay Wiley (19:57): When he was 22 visiting London, he was mugged, which we'll talk about in a few moments. He's written a book. The title of the book is the cycle of kindness. The website is thecycleofkindness.com. This law enforcement talk radio show, don't go anywhere.

Unknown Speaker (20:09): I promise you. We'll be right back.

John Jay Wiley (20:11): Be sure to follow me on the Clubhouse app. It's like having your own talk radio station on your phone. And best of all, it is free. Be sure to follow me, John J. Wiley, at LET Radio Show and look for major announcements.

John Jay Wiley (20:25): That's right. The Clubhouse app is free and be sure to follow me, John J. Wiley or at LET radio show for major announcements. That's John J. Wiley or at LET radio show on the Clubhouse app.

John Jay Wiley (20:40): Did I mention that it is free?

Unknown Speaker (20:42): What if your child could download any app from an app store using a fake age and without a parent even knowing? Unbelievably, Congress is considering the so called Parents Over Platforms Act, which allows kids to do just that. It's really a Platforms Over Parents Act because there is no age verification, no parental approval. And putting platforms over parents is no way for Congress to keep kids safe online. But the App Store Accountability Act provides real control for parents, requiring parental consent for children to download apps from an app store based on clear, accurate age ratings.

Unknown Speaker (21:19): Because either parents decide what's best for their children or someone else will. For your kids and your family, read the App Store Accountability Act for yourself and tell Congress empower parents to protect kids. Pass the App Store Accountability Act. Learn more at digitalchildhoodalliance.org. Paid for by the Digital Childhood Alliance.

John Jay Wiley (21:49): During conversation with Nathaniel Allenby on the law enforcement talk radio contest from San Diego, California. He was mentally and physically abused as a child for decades. And, yeah, it sounds like a long time. It was a long time. When he was 22, he was mugged in London, both of which had a profound impact on him.

John Jay Wiley (22:08): He's written a book called The Cycle of Kindness. The website is thecycleofkindness.com. That's thecycleofkindness.com. Nathaniel, I want to wrap up on the situation with our childhood. And this is something you said that kind of really resonated me is that my parents did the best they could with what they had.

John Jay Wiley (22:28): I don't hold any animosity towards them. I didn't have a bad experience growing up. Bad things happen, but I didn't have a bad childhood. What word would you use to describe your childhood?

Nathaniel Allendy (22:40): Lacking skills, fear. I was in a constant place of apprehension, and I didn't know how to deal with it. So as I mentioned, became that perfectionist and that served me really well in high school, got into a great college, got really depressed after going into a politics program thinking that politics was vile, seditious, and corrupt based on what I had learned and not knowing what to do with my life. So I dropped out of society, became international grand champion at World of Warcraft as I got addicted to video games. And then my best friend said, hey, man, this is really unhealthy.

Nathaniel Allendy (23:27): I'll buy you a one way ticket to Europe and a bicycle when we get there as long as you'll ride around with me wherever I want to go. And that ended up becoming a six year 28,000 mile journey across 10 countries, 30 states. That's the material in my book. And it really helped me go through what Carl Jung called the process of individuation or Maslow famous for his hierarchy of needs called self actualization

Unknown Speaker (24:04): Uh-huh.

Nathaniel Allendy (24:04): Where I no longer needed to prove myself. I no longer had anyone who knew me, who expected me to fulfill a specific role. And when we got there, we were basically broke. Professional vagabonds was the way I like it.

John Jay Wiley (24:20): I look I look back to some of the kids that when I say kids, there were kids back then at 16, 17. They backpack across Europe. I'm thinking, man, they're jokers for doing this stuff when I was their age. Now I've been looking back, nope. Man, I wish I'd done that.

Nathaniel Allendy (24:33): Yeah. I really feel blessed to have had this incredible, long lasting experience that exposed me to global cultures, such a unique set of people who were constantly willing to help Uh-huh. Which is why I called the book the cycle of kindness.

John Jay Wiley (24:54): And the cycle part of it, now I understand the title, but it wasn't all roses there. You had an incident that happened in London, didn't you?

Nathaniel Allendy (25:02): Yeah. And people said no to our request for support, but less than half of the time. And when we had got to London, we'd already been cycling for four and a half months. I had had so many acts of kindness that I received that when this group of young hoodlums was tricking us and asked to use our tent to smoke inside of with us, then we didn't expect that they were going to be thieves stealing whatever they could while some of them were distracting our attention. When we caught them, we chased after them, one of which threatened to pull a knife out on me And then, you know, the rest of them surrounded us, mugged us, and then left as I'm screaming for help in broad daylight in a public park with no one coming to our aid.

Nathaniel Allendy (26:08): I was in shock afterwards. We ended up getting all of our stuff, walking it out. We stayed. My buddy had had a girlfriend who had just joined us, like, the day before we reunited with her after knowing her in The United States, and she came to cycle with us. But I was, you know, physically shaken and we really didn't know how to calm any of us down.

Nathaniel Allendy (26:42): We ended up sleeping it off that night and in some level of irony, we met a man the next day who had stabbed someone, like, 33 times in self defense, so he said.

John Jay Wiley (26:57): Oh, by the way, how do you stab someone 33 times in self defense?

Unknown Speaker (27:01): Yeah. It was

John Jay Wiley (27:02): I I think that's one of those, I didn't mean to do it. And they Right. After the first one, second one, third one, somewhere along the lines, comes, I'm gonna hurt you.

Nathaniel Allendy (27:13): Yeah. And he ended up being very kind, nice, generous.

Unknown Speaker (27:18): Well, doesn't surprise me that Daniel thought, by the way, some of the nicest people in the world I've met have been are Stone Cold killers.

Unknown Speaker (27:24): Yeah.

John Jay Wiley (27:24): And and they they got an issue with one person, and I always say this, and police work to learn this lesson. Number one, the vast majority of people we dealt with on a daily basis, we didn't arrest. Number two, though, those we did arrest, the vast majority were not career criminals, hardcore that would cause you any worry or concern. There was a small percentage that could be violent. And the same thing with prison populations, some of those people that are in prison, they have five bad minutes, they reacted badly.

Unknown Speaker (27:54): Yeah.

Unknown Speaker (27:55): That's just a reality. One

Unknown Speaker (27:57): poor decision.

John Jay Wiley (27:58): That's right. And that could be you or me. What I'm I'm I I don't know how I made it as jacked up as I felt sometimes to where I'm at today.

Nathaniel Allendy (28:09): Yeah. I feel really blessed to have had a variety of interactions with police officers who never chose to arrest us. Yeah. There were times we were loitering or trespassing, digging through dumpsters for food, and they could see we weren't harming anyone. We weren't malicious.

Nathaniel Allendy (28:34): And they asked us to, you know, kindly move along and go about our lives. And, you know, no policeman ever made my life significantly worse.

Unknown Speaker (28:47): No. But, generally, it's Sarelta's that do that. I I gotta ask you this. Nathaniel, did all this have a a profound impact on your adult relationships?

Nathaniel Allendy (28:59): Yeah. I have felt a little bit more trust, like, harder to trust, a little bit more guarded. I love easily but have this fear that people will mistreat me because of the high standards and high expectations that I put on myself becoming a perfectionist. It's really difficult for me not to impose these standards on others. So I've noticed how I can feel easily disappointed or irritated or upset holding other people to the same high standards that I have held myself, and that really hasn't served me.

Nathaniel Allendy (29:41): No. Also being transient, people didn't believe that I was gonna stick around so didn't wanna invest into a relationship with me for a very long time. So others were guarded that our connection would be temporary.

Unknown Speaker (29:58): Is it safe we got a break coming up very soon. Is it safe to say that not only are you guarded, but a lot of other people are as well?

Nathaniel Allendy (30:04): I think in general, there is a lot of that in our culture, especially when it comes to people by the numbers. But when it comes to individual one on one connections, people have their trauma that get triggered in intimate relationships.

Unknown Speaker (30:23): Yeah.

Nathaniel Allendy (30:24): I'm a definite anxious attachment style. My wife is an avoidant attachment style.

Unknown Speaker (30:31): And me, I'm I'm doesn't work out. Push people away. That's what I do. So I was only with Daniel Allen. He was mentally, physically abused for a long time as a child.

John Jay Wiley (30:40): When he was 22, he was mugged in London, which we talked about, and he's written a book called the cycle of kindness. That's thecycleofkindness.com. It's the website, thecycleofkindness.com. This is law enforcement talk radio show. We're gonna take a short break.

Unknown Speaker (30:53): I promise you so much more heading away. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

John Jay Wiley (31:00): Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Look for law enforcement talk radio show and podcast on youtube.com, and be sure to subscribe. Like everything we do, it is free. Look for and subscribe to law enforcement talk radio show and podcast on YouTube, where you'll find great police videos and episodes of the podcast. Best of all, it is free.

Unknown Speaker (31:21): What if your child could download any app from an app store using a fake age and without a parent even knowing? Unbelievably, Congress is considering the so called Parents Over Platforms Act, which allows kids to do just that. It's really a Platforms Over Parents Act because there is no age verification, no parental approval. And putting platforms over parents is no way for Congress to keep kids safe online. But the App Store Accountability Act provides real control for parents, requiring parental consent for children to download apps from an app store based on clear accurate age ratings because either parents decide what's best for their children or someone else will.

Unknown Speaker (32:04): For your kids and your family, read the App Store Accountability Act for yourself and tell Congress empower parents to protect kids. Pass the App Store Accountability Act. Learn more at digitalchildhoodalliance.org. Paid for by the Digital Childhood Alliance.

John Jay Wiley (32:28): Return to conversation with Nathaniel Allendy on the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show. He was mentally and physically abused for years as a child. When he was 22, he was mugged in London, which we talked about. And, he's written a book about his life called the cycle of kindness. That's thecycleofkindness.com.

John Jay Wiley (32:45): His website, thecycleofkindness.com. Get more details about him in a book there as well. Nathaniel, I want to talk about something that I think is relevant is that where we're at today. And I know people are going, yeah, this is great. This doesn't apply to me.

John Jay Wiley (33:02): I've been through this. I've got sibling or with cancer or whatever it might be, and it's a different scenario. The main thing I want people to take away from is no matter what you have to deal with, life gets better, but it requires work. How would you describe your life today?

Nathaniel Allendy (33:21): So now I believe life happens for me, not to me, and that mindset makes a huge difference. When I can choose how I wanna respond instead of reacting to the things that are happening in my life, I'm making way better decisions. I've spent thirty years in therapy to work towards my own healing. I've read. I don't know how many personal development growth books, mindset books, and you name it, podcasts, self help this and that.

Nathaniel Allendy (34:00): I'm all about it. I'm back in school now working towards becoming a marriage and family therapist because all of this really matters. I've developed such a skill set to be able to help myself that I now want to implement this to help others. I feel the healthiest I've ever been thanks to going through training programs through next level trainings and being in a world of psychology. And really, when I had kids, all of this became more important than ever.

Unknown Speaker (34:38): Well, get this.

Nathaniel Allendy (34:40): My stuff from my childhood came up.

Unknown Speaker (34:43): Sure.

Nathaniel Allendy (34:43): Especially when I had my second child, and I saw my older daughter treating my younger daughter in a similar way that my older brother treated me.

Unknown Speaker (34:54): Ain't that funny?

Nathaniel Allendy (34:54): Got to have a deep look at myself and go, okay. What's triggering me? How am I reacting? How can I choose to modify my behavior to come from a place of loving kindness instead of harshness and fear?

John Jay Wiley (35:12): I've not quite mastered that yet. And and by the way, there are times when I am harsh, and I had to be harsh. And, it doesn't mean I'm not loving at the same time, but there are certain things that will not be tolerated, period. End of discussion.

Nathaniel Allendy (35:26): Yeah. Yeah. There's times where I try to get firm for sure, but not harsh.

John Jay Wiley (35:32): Oh, I'm I'm firm and harsh. There's no doubt about it. One of the things that came to mind in listening to you and listening to your story is that I have decisions I have to make. And what it boils down to is this. Again, I'm repeating kind of what I said before.

John Jay Wiley (35:49): I don't wanna be the dead horse, but I can't resolve the past. I can't change the past. All I can do is focus on who I wanna be today and to turn around and be a more a better example in the future. Is that where your your efforts are now?

Nathaniel Allendy (36:05): Yeah. I choose to show up with presence for my daughters and my wife. I do my best to understand my own emotions, regulate them, ask for co regulation when I need it, and do healthy positive things towards self care and self love that allow me to show up for my family, my loved ones and those I interact with on the best level that I can. About fifteen years ago I landed in San Diego. My best friend had taught me how to juggle while we were traveling so that we could make a little money busking on the road.

Nathaniel Allendy (36:50): Right. And bringing people joy for a living is something that I'm blessed to do even today as a professional circus entertainer. And I've been doing this so long and it's so wonderful to get to spread wonder and joy and amazement. And it feels more important for me than ever to spread positive messages about belief in faith and humanity. I want to start a nonprofit that helps motivate, inspire and incentivize people to commit random acts of kindness and senseless acts of generosity.

Nathaniel Allendy (37:34): As I learned in the Boy Scouts growing up becoming an eagle, I feel like my life has more purpose when I'm in service to others.

Unknown Speaker (37:45): Oh, absolutely.

Unknown Speaker (37:46): And that's that's the work that I wanna do with psychotherapy.

John Jay Wiley (37:49): One of the things I get out of this is I learned this lesson a long time ago. The best way to get out of oneself, to be less self centered is to focus my attention on how it benefits those around me.

Nathaniel Allendy (38:02): Yeah. That's one of the amazing lessons that I've got through personal transformation work as well. That totally resonates. There's so many things that we can do like affirmations or meditation to help calm the mind, prayer, gratitude, thankfulness. These mindsets really positively take us a long way.

Nathaniel Allendy (38:27): Alright.

John Jay Wiley (38:28): There's so many things that you can do. 100%. I do all those on a on a daily basis. I wanna focus change the focus a little bit to your book, the cycle of kindness. I'd never thought it was about your adventures on a bicycle.

Nathaniel Allendy (38:41): Yeah. After living for six years on the bike pedaling 28,000 miles across 10 countries and 30 states, I had such a depth of life experience and some really incredibly profound moments. Stories that were so unbelievable that I had dozens of people be like, you need to write a book. And one of my greatest mentors who passed a few years ago encouraged me endlessly on this level. And when quarantine happened, I thought to myself, if I never have this quantity of time again, what will I regret having not done?

Unknown Speaker (39:25): Uh-huh.

Nathaniel Allendy (39:25): And the book was it. I ended up writing a huge manuscript of 310,000 words, which is like four books. And so I've yet more of the material, but it's all about the generosity that I received from others, the opportunities that I was given to believe in people, to have faith in humanity and all of the unbelievable things that took place riding up to 155 miles in a single day, jumping off an 87 foot cliff into a quarry in Indiana, being given some of the most profound and surprising gifts that I would have never expected while living in a place of vulnerability

Unknown Speaker (40:19): Mhmm.

Unknown Speaker (40:19): Without money.

Unknown Speaker (40:21): The book is called

Unknown Speaker (40:22): this technology.

Unknown Speaker (40:22): Cycle of kindness. Correct?

Unknown Speaker (40:24): Yeah. The cycle of kindness.

John Jay Wiley (40:27): And can people find out more about the book, buy the book and get more details about you at your website?

Nathaniel Allendy (40:33): Yep, it's all on the website. It's available anywhere good books are sold, Amazon, Barnes and Noble, you name it. Mostly online retailers, not a lot of physical retailers or libraries have picked it up yet but that's my goal is to get it out into the world to help people have something inspiring for them to believe that they could take a journey like this if they wanted to, that it's never too late to try something new, learn a new skill set, travel to places you've never been before, and do it in a way that you never thought possible.

John Jay Wiley (41:15): The website is acycleofkindness.com. That's acycleofkindness.com. And you can get more information about Nathaniel. You can contact Nathaniel and get the book there and get some of his story. And the main thing I take away from this conversation, which I'm so glad you have with me, Nathaniel, is that you don't have to leave them to make big travel changes in you.

John Jay Wiley (41:37): And I'm using a pun there. You don't have to leave your house. It begins with a decision and a difference between a decision and a thought is a decision includes action. And you've got to act on changing because it's not gonna happen by happenstance. Nathaniel, thanks so much for being a guest on the law enforcement talk radio show, telling your story.

Unknown Speaker (41:57): Very much appreciate it.

Nathaniel Allendy (41:59): It's a pleasure, John. Thank you again for having me. I appreciate this opportunity immensely.

John Jay Wiley (42:05): I'd like to thank our guests for coming on the law enforcement talk radio show. The law enforcement talk radio show is a nationally syndicated weekly radio show broadcast on numerous AM and FM radio stations across the country. We're always adding more affiliate stations. If you enjoyed the podcast version of the show, which is always free, please do me a favor and tell a friend or two or three. I'll be back in just a few days with another episode of the law enforcement talk radio show and podcast.

John Jay Wiley (42:33): Until then, this is John Jay Wiley. See you.

Unknown Speaker (42:39): What if your child could download any app from an app store using a fake age and without a parent even knowing? Unbelievably, congress is considering the so called Parents Over Platforms Act, which allows kids to do just that. It's really a Platforms Over Parents Act because there is no age verification, no parental approval. And putting platforms over parents is no way Congress to keep kids safe online. But the App Store Accountability Act provides real control for parents, requiring parental consent for children to download apps from an app store based on clear, accurate age ratings.

Unknown Speaker (43:17): Because either parents decide what's best for their children or someone else will. For your kids and your family, read the app store accountability act for yourself and tell congress, empower parents to protect kids. Pass the App Store Accountability Act. Learn more at digitalchildhoodalliance.org. Paid for by the Digital Childhood Alliance.

Unknown Speaker (43:40): If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.