Her Journey From Domestic Violence

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John Jay Wiley (1:00): She endured extreme domestic violence so much so that she's still having surgeries as a result of injuries today. She broke free, and now she dedicates her life to helping others in domestic violence situations and special needs families. Welcome to the law enforcement talk radio show. In the law enforcement talk radio show, we are joined by special guests talking about their experiences, their realities of investigating crimes. Plus, those who've experienced horrendous trauma, police, first responders, military, and victims of crime share their stories.

John Jay Wiley (1:38): Hi. I'm John Jay Wiley. In addition to being a broadcaster, I'm also a retired police sergeant. Be sure to check out our website, letradio.com, and also like us on Facebook. Search for the law enforcement talk radio show.

John Jay Wiley (1:52): Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel. Look for law enforcement talk radio show and podcast on youtube.com, and be sure to subscribe. Like everything we do, it is free. Look for and subscribe to law enforcement talk radio show and podcast on YouTube for great police videos and episodes of the podcast. Joining us from the Atlanta, Georgia area, Victoria Kouray on the phone.

John Jay Wiley (2:14): Victoria has her pen name. She's written a book called Who Kicked First? A Personal Memoir. She's a paralegal. She's a master's degree, two black belts, and went through a horrible, horrible case of domestic violence and and now dedicates her life to helping victims of domestic violence and special needs families.

John Jay Wiley (2:34): Victoria, thanks so much for being a guest on the show. Very much appreciated.

Victoria Kure (2:38): Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

John Jay Wiley (2:40): This is unfortunate. Something happens way too often. And I'll I'll be honest with you, Victoria. I don't know what it's gonna take to get through to to society that putting your hands on people, domestic violence, and by the maybe maybe it's partly the phrase. Beating people and assaulting people, whether you're married to them or not, is not proper, is not right, and it's illegal, and no one should be doing it.

John Jay Wiley (3:04): End of story.

Unknown Speaker (3:05): Absolutely.

John Jay Wiley (3:07): I I don't get it. My years of police work, it was one of the most frustrating things in the world to see because you wind up going to the same houses all the time for the same calls, domestic violence. And unless there was actual evidence, there's not a whole lot you could do about it. And even when there was, when the laws started changing after Torrington, Connecticut, you started arresting people because of fear, they wouldn't prosecute, and nothing would happen. And sometimes, we wound up being dispatched there for the the the victim had been beaten for so long was killed.

Victoria Kure (3:41): Yes. That's basically the same here.

John Jay Wiley (3:44): And it it's a heartbreaking cycle to go through. I don't know what the answers and I'm so glad you're here to tell your story because I I think a lot of people are like me. Even those experienced, even those trained, even those who've gone through years of dealing with this really are not well equipped to understand the situation from the victim's point of view. And that's a word I don't like using, but there's not a word that fits.

Victoria Kure (4:10): Correct. And it's also very scary for an officer from their point of view going in. Isn't that one of the higher threat level calls for you to go on?

John Jay Wiley (4:19): Yeah. Domestic violence assault calls, family disturbance calls can be very violent and very, very dangerous.

Unknown Speaker (4:25): Right.

John Jay Wiley (4:27): You did not set out to wind up in this type of situation. I don't think anybody does, do they?

Victoria Kure (4:32): No. Nobody at all does. We are pulled in by a very charming, charismatic genius. They really are incredibly smart because they play on what you are missing. And in the court shaped period when they're in their courting phase, they just almost make you like a trophy where they're so proud and boisterous about you and brag about you to their family and look at what I have.

Victoria Kure (5:00): This is amazing. And then they like literally rush you down on roller skates hypothetically to, know, have to get married. We've been so long without each other. I don't want to wait anymore. And it literally just is a tailspin to get into a situation with someone like that because nobody says, Hey, I'm gonna get up today and I'm gonna find myself someone who's gonna beat me.

Victoria Kure (5:24): That just doesn't happen. That's not realistic. This is not. And we go through such, excuse my French, we go through shit. There's no other way to look at it.

Victoria Kure (5:33): There's no nicer way to look at it. And society doesn't put enough emphasis on helping the abuser, and I know you know for all of your years, thank you for what you've done, is the fact that you come into the situation and it is a he said she said. You do take one and the other takes the other and you can't do anything about it. And it just keeps happening. I had so much proof and I kept going back and going back and saying, he's gonna kill me.

Victoria Kure (6:03): He's gonna kill me. And it was just like, what is it gonna take to get help here? And I had no one, literally no one.

John Jay Wiley (6:13): First of all, I'm sorry, and that that's that doesn't really mean a whole lot over the phone in a radio studio, but I'm sorry you went through this. No one should have to go through this. I'm a father of two daughters. My dad was a queer navy guy. He was gone a lot.

John Jay Wiley (6:28): I was raised by my mother. I have four younger sisters, and this kind of stuff is just not tolerated. When someone has an issue, let's just say a a young man has issues in his teenage years, If the father's not around to help, the mother's not around to help, the neighbors would help. And they get involved, the neighborhood boys, and we teach people how to have respect for each other. And sometimes it wasn't done nicely, but we learned our lessons.

John Jay Wiley (6:54): You didn't do these sorts of things. And there's no saying, I I don't know whether it's true or not. I'd love to hear your input. Hurt people hurt other people. And I see sometimes cases of people dealing with trauma, dealing with violence growing up, all sorts of other things, and that becomes an explanation for why they're abusers.

John Jay Wiley (7:17): I don't believe in my opinion that is an excuse at all.

Victoria Kure (7:20): I agree. Agree completely. I I talk to a lot of families, and I encourage them to bring their children of age, not young kids obviously, but their families, people who are not supportive because I really get into a different dynamic and way of looking at things. And I kind of try to bring them in and I have dealt with so many really stubborn individuals that say, well, that's her fault. Why did she stay?

Victoria Kure (7:51): Why didn't she leave? You know, asked for it because she stayed. You know, I actually love when I get the opportunity to discuss that because I bring a light to it that a lot of people haven't seen. And you're absolutely a thousand percent true. And it's just there's not enough knowledge.

Victoria Kure (8:11): There's not enough awareness being brought to the forefront to help get this under control, especially now that COVID has been here and everybody's in place. The numbers of domestic violence are going through the roof and nobody's helping. And you have people that are trying to get out, trying to go to a shelter, and they're booked because of COVID. There's no openings, but you can't get in and you're making us stay with our attacker. We have all these empty buildings in place.

Victoria Kure (8:39): We have all these other facilities that are in place. Why can't we use some of that and help these women and children before it's too late?

John Jay Wiley (8:47): Yeah. I certainly don't have the answer to that. I I I do know this. When I started in policing in 1980, it was different. Somewhere in the early eighties, the mid eighties, there was a a landmark case out of Torrington, Connecticut involving an extreme case of domestic violence.

John Jay Wiley (9:04): And from that point on, every police department in United States changed the way they did things. And what we were instructed to do before that incident, it was you would give them the information, you take a report, and you'd be up to the victim. Is that word they don't like again to go swear out a warrant for that person's arrest because unless it was committed in our presence, we didn't have the ability to arrest them. When it came down to this Torrington, Connecticut case, if we believe that we saw any evidence of domestic violence or believe that when we left that there was a reasonable chance that someone will be harmed, somebody had to go to jail. That's just the way it was.

John Jay Wiley (9:44): And I've had guests on the show that followed through that recently and wound up being arrested and charged and fired for doing just that. This is law enforcement show. We're gonna take a short break, return our conversation with Victoria Kure. Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

John Jay Wiley (10:03): You can find us on Facebook. Just search for the law enforcement talk radio show, and be sure to click like.

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Lowe's Advertisement (10:28): We help. You save. Valid through 05/27 while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

Unknown Speaker (10:33): See lowe's.com for details.

Unknown (10:34): Visit your nearby Lowe's on Russell Branch Parkway Southeast in Leesburg.

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John Jay Wiley (11:15): This is law enforcement. We'll return our conversation with Victoria Kourre. She is a domestic violence survivor, also an advocate for other domestic violence victims, special needs families. She's written a book called Who Kicked First? A Memoir.

John Jay Wiley (11:30): She also has a website. I believe it's called acontagioussmile.com where you can get more information as well. Victoria, this is most of my conversations on law enforcement show are tough. They're difficult. This is one that Yeah.

John Jay Wiley (11:44): I'm very, very sensitive about because I'm uncomfortable, and I don't know where to ask. So what I would like you to do is a lot of people don't understand how someone winds up in a situation and how bad it can get. Can you talk about your situation?

Victoria Kure (12:01): Absolutely. I let me back up for a moment so I can give you a little background. I was in the corporate world. I had everything else going for me except I wanted to be a wife and mother. More than anything, that's what I felt I was lacking in my life.

Victoria Kure (12:17): Prior to that, I had been with a police officer I had dated for four years. He was the love of my life and we broke up and only time in my life Jay ever I rebounded was with this monster. And I met him, he was very charismatic, very charming, very alluring, not physically attractive, which is fine because looks fake, I'd rather have someone on the inside that's a nice gentleman true guy. And it was just, I traveled for work, so we didn't see each other all the time like people normally do in the dating courtship period. And he literally was just that charismatic, sweet guy that you're like, no, something's not right.

Victoria Kure (13:00): Like you just kind of feel it and then you're kind of like, well maybe I'm just not over what I went through. And he knew how bad I wanted children and he went so far as to talk about things that he had seen overseas. He went on to, he was active duty military. I didn't know that right in the very, very beginning. And he would talk about how his whole family was nothing but foster families and they fostered so many kids and that's who he grew up with and his love for kids.

Victoria Kure (13:30): And he now feels like he's ready to settle down and have that family. And we've both not had what we've looked for for so long. Why should we go any longer without it? And when I would try to put the brakes on and say, hey, it's going a little fast. He would give me some sob story and I honestly started to feel like I am a jerk because here I am being so shallow to someone who has done nothing wrong by me.

Victoria Kure (13:56): And I'm like, we need to slow down and just take a break. And he was like, we have been not together long enough. Let's start our life. Let's start living happiness and togetherness. And so next thing I know, I'm on my wedding day and this tells you how old that I am.

Victoria Kure (14:14): I'm sitting on the floor getting ready with my Palm Pilot in my hand looking at airfare to return back because we had gone out of town to get married. And I knew this was wrong. Every product in my being knew that this was not right. But I started just sitting there and closed my eyes and thought about it. I prayed about it And it was like something calming came over me and was so just almost like a sense of relief.

Victoria Kure (14:46): And he he said to me, I have a wedding gift for you. And my grandparents meant the world to me. I don't even know how he got it. I have no idea to this day how he got it. He found a picture of my grandparents that was in my apartment because we didn't even live together until after we were married.

Victoria Kure (15:05): And he had gotten it framed, blown up and framed, and said, since they meant the world to you and I was unable to meet them, I would really like to have them at our wedding. And I figured that they could be standing with us

Unknown Speaker (15:23): during the ceremony.

Unknown Speaker (15:23): Sounds like a wonderful guy in the very beginning. There's there's an

Unknown Speaker (15:27): important thing

John Jay Wiley (15:28): you said that I I think we need to go back to. And people Sure. Look. People wanna argue this all day long. God given, nature given, whatever it is.

John Jay Wiley (15:36): Something about the situation made you say, it's not right, but then you felt guilty. And may was that a manipulation, you think, of that part?

Victoria Kure (15:46): I do. I do. Because whenever I started to be like, no. Something's not right. He would come back and be like, it's just because you've never experienced this before.

Victoria Kure (15:54): Maybe you don't think you deserve this, you know, but you do, and your grandparents would wanna see you happy.

John Jay Wiley (16:01): Here's why I bring it up. Of the things that I was taught and I I taught people, especially women who are victims of crime. For some reason, and my wife and I have had this conversation many times, my daughters have that many times. Many women, in my opinion, are are concerned, overly concerned about seeming rude. And I tell people all the time, trust your God given instincts or nature given instincts.

John Jay Wiley (16:26): If something tells you there's something wrong about this, something makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, trust those. If you're wrong, you can always apologize. If you are right and you ignore them because you're afraid of looking rude, you can get really, really, really hurt.

Unknown Speaker (16:41): Yes.

John Jay Wiley (16:42): And I don't I don't Victoria, I don't know what the answer to that is. I don't know how we get people to say, hey. No. Something about this isn't right. Let me let me hold off for a while and then check you out later on.

Victoria Kure (16:54): Well, to be honest with you, it depends. If you have a real genuine nice person, I don't think they would mind, you know, kind

Unknown Speaker (17:00): of Yeah.

Victoria Kure (17:01): Taking a step back. But this one was like, no. And then guilt tripped me

John Jay Wiley (17:04): even just go to my experience. I I was married once before. Police work, I say, and and my inability to handle things better really killed that marriage. I was sworn to be a batch for the rest of my life. I was convinced I was unlovable and unloved and nothing.

John Jay Wiley (17:21): Then I met my wife, and I was convinced, Victoria, that I would never ever get serious with anybody ever again. That's the way I acted. And within three or four months, I knew I wanted to marry her. And I asked her to marry me on a sky swing where we're about a 100 feet in the air. And she's like she was crushing my arm because her arms are interlocked.

John Jay Wiley (17:41): She goes, yeah. Yeah. Pull the ribcord. We'll talk about this later on. Give me a few months.

John Jay Wiley (17:46): And you know what? I I gave her a few months to think about it. If it was right then, it'd be right later on. It wasn't a big deal.

Victoria Kure (17:53): Right. Absolutely. That's true. That's very true. But that's because you're a genuine nice guy, Jay.

Victoria Kure (18:00): This guy was like, you know, I've been through so much overseas, I saw so many things and blah blah blah. You don't have the promise of tomorrow and I just want us to have that family that I've always wanted, you've always wanted and why are we letting anyone else prevent us from having that? And I was like, I'm a schmuck. Why am I you know, being so against this? And and he was good.

Victoria Kure (18:25): He was really good at making you feel so belittled that you just kinda gave in.

John Jay Wiley (18:31): And so you made the choice to go ahead and get married. And because it's what you wanted. You really wanted, and you thought you were convinced at that point even with your your hesitations and little things that made you go, not right. You're convinced this was gonna be the relationship for you. This was going to be the life for you.

Unknown Speaker (18:50): You're gonna have the other parts of life you didn't want.

Victoria Kure (18:53): Yes and no. I knew I I had even told him prior to that I had yet to fall in love with him. I loved him as a person. I loved his beliefs but I hadn't fallen in love with him. And he convinced me that I was preventing myself from allowing that to happen because I was so, like I was just mentally not ready after just coming out of a four year relationship.

Victoria Kure (19:15): And that if I would just put that wall and that guard down, then I would be right where he is and he would see how I'm seeing. Those were his words. And I was like, okay. And he goes, we could have a life where you don't have to worry about this and that and this and we'd be family. And okay.

Victoria Kure (19:32): And I he just had me, like, literally, I felt like Beetlejuice in the movie with my head spinning round and round.

John Jay Wiley (19:37): We're gonna take a short break. We're talking with Victoria Kure. We're gonna talk more about how bad things got with the domestic violence, her journey afterwards. There's so much more heading your way, and things that you are a parent or grandparent, you need to be aware of. This is law enforcement show.

John Jay Wiley (19:54): Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.

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Speaker 6 (20:18): Wiley or look for LET radio show.

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Lowe's Advertisement (20:40): We help. You save. Valid through 05/27 while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

Unknown Speaker (20:45): See lowe's.com for details.

Unknown (20:46): Visit your nearby Lowe's on Russell Branch Parkway Southeast in Leesburg.

Grainger Advertisement (20:52): When you manage procurement for multiple facilities, every order matters. But when it's for a hospital system, they matter even more. Grainger gets it and knows there's no time for managing multiple suppliers and no room for shipping delays. That's why Grainger offers millions of products and fast, dependable delivery so you can keep your facility stocked, safe, and running smoothly. Call 1800, click grainger.com, or just stop by.

Unknown Speaker (21:17): Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

John Jay Wiley (21:28): It's a law enforcement show returning our conversation with Victoria Kure. She is a domestic violence survivor, author of the book, Who Kicked First, a memoir. Her website, acontagioussmile.com, advocating for victims of domestic violence, special needs, families, and more. Be sure to check it out at contagioussmile.com. We went to break, Victoria.

John Jay Wiley (21:50): You wound up you got married. You were convinced to get married. And at what point did you start to see the ugly side?

Victoria Kure (22:00): It was shortly after the marriage. I moved in officially after the marriage because I had an apartment. And we got pregnant right away. Not by, it was just, you know, it happened. We got pregnant and then after we learned that I was pregnant, the abuse began.

Victoria Kure (22:19): And like you've heard, I am sure so many times the first time I was like that did not just happen. I know he did not just hit me. And he was like well if you had just done what I had said I wouldn't have had to do this And I'm really sorry. It won't happen again. And I was dumbfounded.

Victoria Kure (22:41): I was like, I know you didn't just do that. And then it happened again and again and again. And it escalated as time went on. And I own what I've done. I own my mistakes.

Victoria Kure (22:55): Nobody's perfect. I made a deal with the devil. I told him as long as he did not hit my stomach, I would not fight him back. Because the first time I told him I was gonna try and leave, he shot and killed my puppy to show me what he would do to me if I tried to get out.

Unknown Speaker (23:15): Holy cow.

Victoria Kure (23:16): And I am pregnant. I am alone. I have been isolated from friends and and family, and I am literally all alone. And so then it it escalated. So as time went on, the abuse got more intense.

Victoria Kure (23:34): Now I have to say one hit, one slap, one kick, one punch, whatever it is, it's one too many.

Unknown Speaker (23:39): Absolutely one too many.

Victoria Kure (23:40): Right. I don't when I have someone say, oh, you know, I got punched twice. I don't compare it and say, well, I've had a 100 surgeries or over a 100 surgeries to correct what my ex did. Don't come to me complaining because that was nothing. That's not true.

Victoria Kure (23:54): One, two, whatever. It's still too many and should never ever happen. And that's it. I look at everybody equally. It's not a competition that anyone wants to be in.

John Jay Wiley (24:04): And unfortunately, way too many people have a thing where they compare trauma. Well, mine's not as bad as so and so therefore I shouldn't need help. Or let's save that help for someone who really needs it because mine's really not that bad. Look, my life's not that bad, will kill a lot of people. And it's about it's about having a good life.

John Jay Wiley (24:23): It's about having an enjoyable life, the life you want. It may not be exactly what you want, but you wanna get kinda close to what you want. But being beaten, being kicked, being hit, having a puppy shot in front of you, that's not that's not acceptable anytime, anywhere, under any circumstances.

Unknown Speaker (24:42): Correct.

John Jay Wiley (24:43): And part of me is getting really angry just listening to you go through this because I look. We've never met. I like I before, I've got two daughters, and I'm I'm an old school, old fashioned guy. My daughters live in Buffalo, New York. And one of the things when they start dating someone's married, her husband's a really good guy.

John Jay Wiley (25:00): The other one is still single. One of the jokes that we have is when they tell me they're starting to talk to someone or they're dating whoever's, I tell them all the time, you tell him if he hurts you, I will fly up to Buffalo, New York. I will go to a convenience store. They sell ski masks there and master locks and

Unknown Speaker (25:18): socks, And

John Jay Wiley (25:19): I will bend them into a pretzel. I and fly back to to Florida. I don't care.

Victoria Kure (25:24): Good for you. We need more dads like you.

John Jay Wiley (25:26): I just don't get it. I I don't I don't I don't wanna be that guy. Here's what the result is when and they tell those guys and no one touches them.

Victoria Kure (25:35): Right. Oh, I know.

Unknown Speaker (25:37): So here you are. You're isolated. You're alone. You're going through this, and you're pregnant.

Unknown Speaker (25:43): Yes.

John Jay Wiley (25:44): I hate to ask this because I know there's worse. You said you had a 100 surgeries so far. It escalated. It got even worse than that, didn't it?

Unknown Speaker (25:52): Yes, sir.

John Jay Wiley (25:53): Can you talk about some of that or no?

Victoria Kure (25:56): Yes. It's taken me quite a long time, almost a couple decades too. He got to the point where if dinner was on the table late, I would get my nose broken. If I didn't have the laundry completely done and the clothes put away and his uniforms pressed and ready for the next day, I would get a dislocated shoulder, a broken finger. It was always something huge.

Victoria Kure (26:20): Was just, any of it is huge but going through it and while you're pregnant, it's a challenge. So then he started getting into things that were even worse, if that's even possible. He started, in the nursery that we were going to use, he had his computer in there. And he was participating in, you have to help me here with this, Jay, because this is very hard for me to to to disclose.

Unknown Speaker (26:50): You can

Unknown Speaker (26:50): say that. You're whatever Young females.

Unknown Speaker (26:55): Gotcha.

Victoria Kure (26:56): And to me, that is just not I mean, not the abuse either. I'm just saying to be into child pornography is so beyond disgusting. So is abuse. I'm not trying to take away from that, but it's so disgusting. And it like I wasn't allowed to be in there while he was in there.

Victoria Kure (27:19): That was his quote unquote time. I didn't know what he was watching until I walked in once to bring him something to drink. And I literally almost just collapsed because I couldn't believe what my eyes were looking at. But the abuse, he would drag me through the house. I would get carpet burns.

Victoria Kure (27:36): He stabbed me over a dozen times. I kept going. Now I understand and I know because you told me even your dad. I know not every branch of this military in The United States is bad. I'm the first one to say that.

Victoria Kure (27:48): I do know that there is quite a bit of people who turned a blind eye at our military and I know that because I was married to one and we were in a small military town. His command you know, he had a very small platoon. I kept going to his platoon saying, you've got to help me. This man's gonna kill me. And I'm very light skinned.

Victoria Kure (28:11): I have very, very like China white skin and very obvious when I am trying to hide bruises and dislocations and swollenness and black eye that. And they just well, what did you do to make a mess? Why didn't you just do what he asked? And then I said, well, are you ever gonna do anything? And I've never j heard this saying before.

Victoria Kure (28:30): They said, well, we'll make him grab real estate. What does that mean? You're gonna make him grab real estate. I wasn't allowed to speak to them. He made sure I wasn't allowed to.

Victoria Kure (28:41): He didn't wanna see me around anyone. I wasn't allowed to talk to another man. He was he would spot check me all the time. He would call me in my office to make sure that I was in my office or I had to call him when I arrived so he could see it on the caller ID. I was absolutely not allowed to go anywhere that my ex boyfriend would be on patrol.

Victoria Kure (29:04): They hated each other. Like, I can't even explain how much they disliked each other. And they only met the first time after that I introduced them and they never known each other prior. So everywhere I went had to be like here, here, here. If I was going to the grocery store, I had to bring back the receipt.

Victoria Kure (29:24): If I wasn't back in a timely manner, he'd show up at the store or try because we're in a small town. Or he'd try to go and see where I was, if I was on the road on the way back, why it took me so long. He would take my cell phone and check every call that was in there. He would not allow me to have a charger until he said it was okay. It was so much control that I really began to lose who I was.

Victoria Kure (29:47): I lost my own identity. I went from this really strong, independent, corporate woman who had been teaching martial arts at one point to jumping at every noise to literally learning his patterns and learning how to adapt to the situation.

John Jay Wiley (30:08): That doesn't sound like control. That sounds like hostage taking to me. This is law enforcement. I will return our conversation with Victoria Kure and learn how she escaped and what she's doing today. I'm Courtney Ware.

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Lowe's Advertisement (31:09): We help. You save. Valid through 05/27 while supplies last. Selection varies by location.

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Unknown (31:16): Visit your nearby Lowe's on Russell Branch Parkway Southeast in Leesburg.

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John Jay Wiley (31:57): This law enforcement show return our conversation with Victoria Kure. She is a domestic violence survivor. Also, she wrote the book, Who Kicked First? A Memoir. Her website is acontagioussmile.com, which does a lot of work with domestic violence survivors, also families with special needs children.

John Jay Wiley (32:16): Now early in the conversation, Victoria, and I really appreciate you spending time talking about this. There's two things I wanna cover really quickly. One is what are the things that family members need to look out for? And number two, I know you've had lots of surgeries trying to to recover from the injuries. Let's talk about the signs that families need to be aware of first that there's a problem.

Victoria Kure (32:39): Sure. Well, first, you will see that they'll bring the the person, male or female, because there's been abuse on both sides. They start bringing around the person, they start showing them off to everybody. Then you kind of see that person kind of fade out, kind of fade away from the picture. They will see that they're isolated.

Victoria Kure (32:59): If they see them, it's never going to be with the partner at first. They're gonna become that withdrawn individual who can't look you in the eye, who's very paranoid if you will around their surroundings, who's around, they watch their time a lot, they check their phone, they keep looking because they have to be home at a certain time, they have to be somewhere at a certain time. If they are with their significant other or their partner, aka their abuser, then everything that they say is going to be almost programmed where you give absolutely no indication of what's going on and that's not normally the person that you love or your friend. It's somebody who is going through a horrific situation. You might see indications on their person that shows an older injury or if they get up and you hug them and they wince, you'll see that there is something going on there.

Victoria Kure (33:50): Just attain in their overall disposition. You'll you'll know something is going on that way, and then you can try and help. And a lot of people are afraid to. A lot of people are afraid to get out there and

John Jay Wiley (34:00): A lot of people, myself included, don't know the right things to say. And, well, I'll very well back to my conversation with my daughters that you heard about. I I obviously don't have that problem. If I suspect something's going on, I'll be very confrontational about it. That's if if someone gets upset, that's just the way it goes.

John Jay Wiley (34:17): You obviously made your way. You escaped this, and I applaud you for that because that's a huge decision, and it's not something that happens overnight. And I know it's easy to look back and say, well, something about that person, he must want this if he continues to stay. That's not the case.

Unknown Speaker (34:32): No. No, sir.

John Jay Wiley (34:33): I call it burning many bridges till you cross that last bridge and you make the difficult choices to move forward. So you did that.

Unknown Speaker (34:40): Yes, sir.

John Jay Wiley (34:41): You've had multiple injuries. You you mentioned you've had a 100 surgeries so far.

Victoria Kure (34:46): I stopped counting at a 100. I I just it was almost to the point I I I just didn't wanna know anymore. It was just like, alright. Here we go. I was on the OR table so often that I I could literally say I want this one as my anesthesiologist.

Victoria Kure (34:59): Because it was just so frequent, that's what it is. My daughter has special needs because she came early because of the pregnancy and the abuse. She's had 34 surgeries. Thriving survivor. Absolutely amazing.

Victoria Kure (35:14): I have had over a dozen stabbings. Both sides, if you could have seen me, could see that both sides of my face have had to be completely rebuilt. My mandala and my mandibular jaws are both totally titanium. All of it has been replaced because they were shattered so bad. I've become deaf.

Victoria Kure (35:36): My eardrums were ruptured so bad that I've had to have hearing aids now because I only have 20% hearing in one and no hearing at all on the other.

John Jay Wiley (35:45): That would explain for those that there's some audio issues on Victoria's end, and that's so that we can hear her story.

Unknown Speaker (35:55): And I apologize for that, but I couldn't hear without

John Jay Wiley (35:58): I don't want you. I just want people to understand that that that's the reason why. It's not because of a lack of thought or foreplanning or any of that. That's what was required so you could be a guest and tell your story. When you left, and you're still going through this.

John Jay Wiley (36:11): By the way, you're an incredibly young person still. I'm a geezer. So

Unknown Speaker (36:14): I've No. You're not. I think we're closer in age than you think.

John Jay Wiley (36:17): I've had so many surgeries as a result of police work. Three, my right hand and wrist and a couple steel plates, one on my left shoulder, and my wife jokes around about all the scars that they are street tattoos. And the the steel plates are body jewelry from my time of police work. So maybe you've got to have body jewelry and street tattoos as well.

Victoria Kure (36:41): I I joke around and now with my husband and say, you know, I'm like eight, nine, 14, depends on the body part because I feel like I've been scooped out like a pumpkin and everything in me is titanium. My left hand is paralyzed and it's all plate and pins and screws in my fingers. Did a nerve conductive study in there. I have no nerve in there. I've had a nerve transposition.

Victoria Kure (37:06): I've had a nerve transplant done because of the damage. My shoulder's been completely replaced and that's all titanium. My knees, my foot have a screw and plates in it. I have a plate in my head. I I've literally, I I say I'm the bionic woman, and I joke around that I could be like the Terminator.

John Jay Wiley (37:26): You're like Lindsey Wagner. That was her name Right. A long time ago. So what would you say to people that are going through this that that are victims of domestic violence? And I know people wanna say, well, mine's not as bad as hers.

John Jay Wiley (37:38): Bad is bad. If you're going through this, what would you tell them? How do you get beyond this?

Victoria Kure (37:44): I say to them that no one has that much power over you. I went to court. I took him on. I took on, got the rights terminated, that you have an inner light. And what really gets me is when they say they have kids.

Victoria Kure (37:58): Let's say you don't think you're worth it. Do you think your kids are worth it? Because they are. And what you're showing a daughter is that it's okay for a man to treat her that way. What you're showing a son is that it's okay for him to treat a woman that way and it's not.

Victoria Kure (38:09): And you have an inner light and it is flickering. And even if it's just barely flickering, it will still light up a room and you're worth it and you can get out, you can survive. You have survived 100% of your worst days thus far. You can get out with a successful escape plan. That's why so many people go back.

Victoria Kure (38:30): It's because they don't have it in play. They don't have everything together and organized and know how to get out and be safe. And that's what I help others do. I help them realize what they're missing and what they need to do and get there. And they are worth it.

Victoria Kure (38:44): Their children are worth it. We need to stop this cycle and get them the help that they need. That's why it's so crucial and important. And with that tiny little bit of inner light that they know they have, it's still in there. Even though they feel like they're at their lowest, it's still flickering and we can bring that inner light and bring back to the forefront of who they were because they're stronger than they know because they've already survived a 100% of their worst days.

John Jay Wiley (39:10): And you can't undo what happened in the past, but you can create a better life moving forward. It may not always be the life you want, but, it it it's a whole lot better than it was. So you wrote a book, Who Kicked First, a memoir. What prompted you to write this book?

Victoria Kure (39:26): My daughter was in a medically induced coma. I was in a wheelchair. I was unable to stimulate her because of the coma, and I was getting interrogated. And they come after that victim Jay, they always put their eye on the victim. We have to prove that we're telling the truth to the abuser.

Victoria Kure (39:44): And I just started venting on my laptop and I was just putting down there what was going on because I couldn't scream. I literally felt like an asthmatic being suffocated in a cage of That was the best way I could give an analogy of what I was going through. And I started just venting in to my laptop and I had a beautiful respiratory therapist come up to me and say, you will save somebody's life if you told your story. And I said, there's no way. Have you met him?

Victoria Kure (40:13): Oh yeah, there's no way. And then I realized as time went on that he doesn't have that power over me. He testified in court that he knew never to hit me unless I was pregnant because I'd fight him back. I would absolutely self defend, never hit first, self defend. And he knew that but I wanted my daughter to see what being a strong woman is and that you can come back from the lowest of lows and just soar to the top.

Victoria Kure (40:40): And she deserved that. The listeners deserve that. Everyone deserves to have that happiness And that's what I did. And so after about ten years, I finally published it.

Unknown Speaker (40:50): Awesome. And you I'd say awesome. Not that you went through this. Awesome. You wrote the And you have a website.

John Jay Wiley (40:56): You do a lot of things. We're almost out of time. The website is the contagioussmile.com. Can people buy the book there?

Unknown Speaker (41:03): Yes.

Unknown Speaker (41:04): And can they get information about a lot of other things that you make available there as well?

Unknown Speaker (41:08): Yes, sir.

John Jay Wiley (41:09): And last but not least, are you available for speaking and talking and, group presentations about domestic violence or special needs families?

Unknown Speaker (41:20): Absolutely.

John Jay Wiley (41:22): And how do people get in touch with you? What's the best way?

Victoria Kure (41:24): They can go on to a contagioussmile.com and email me directly. You will get me you can go to our Facebook, and we have a Facebook group, a contagious smile support group. And you could go to Instagram. I have my podcast, the contagious smile, where we just showcase these beautiful individual souls. And I I will get back to you absolutely as soon as I can, and we will make this right.

Victoria Kure (41:46): We will find that inner light again.

Unknown Speaker (41:48): And you can also reach out to me, and I will send her or do a email introduction. Victoria, thanks so much for being a guest on the show. Tonya Stores, very much appreciated.

Unknown Speaker (41:56): Thank you, sir.

John Jay Wiley (41:57): I'd like to thank our guests for coming on the Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show. The Law Enforcement Talk Radio Show is syndicated weekly radio show broadcast on numerous AM and FM radio stations across the country. We're always adding more affiliate stations. If you enjoyed the podcast version of the show, which is always free, please do me a favor and tell a friend or two or three. I'll be back in just a few days with another episode of law enforcement talk radio show and podcast.

John Jay Wiley (42:26): Until then, this is John Jay Wiley. See

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Unknown Speaker (43:28): Grainger, for the ones who get it done.

Unknown Speaker (43:33): If you like the show, please take a moment to rate, review, and subscribe. It really does help the show to grow. Thank you for listening.