Aug. 31, 2025

The Formula: Be → Do → Have

The Formula: Be → Do → Have. In her work as a Certified End-of-Life Coach and Founder of Miss-U-Gram®, Patricia D. Freudenberg often shares what she calls “The Formula.” It’s a simple, yet profound shift in perspective that she believes can transform not only grief recovery but life itself.

“Most people get it backwards,” Freudenberg explains. “They chase having first. But the real shift begins when we turn it around: Be → Do → Have.”

Be First

According to Freudenberg, everything begins with a state of being. “First, you must choose a state of being. This is your authority, and only you can decide it.”

She emphasizes that this choice is deeply personal:

"You can resist being happy, or you can choose it. You can resist peace, or you can open yourself to it.”

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For some, this state of “being” is found through music, art, journaling, cooking, walking in nature, breathing deeply, or simply looking up at the sky. “Choosing being comes first,” she affirms.

Do Next

Once the choice of being is made, Freudenberg notes that action naturally follows. “From your chosen state of being, action follows. Create, share, move, write, sing, or reach out. These actions are born from who you’ve already decided to be.”

Then Comes Have

Finally comes the stage of “having.” While she acknowledges that not everything we want is always possible, especially in grief, there is still much to hold on to. “You may not always have exactly what you want, like your loved one back in physical form, but you can still have connection. You can talk to them, write to them, or notice the signs around you. You can have meaning, purpose, and a legacy worth living.”

Quote of the Day

Freudenberg sums up The Formula beautifully:

“Being is the seed, doing is the growth, and having is the harvest. If you skip the seed, the garden never comes to life.” - Patricia D. Freudenberg

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Reflection Prompt

She invites readers to pause and reflect:

Am I waiting to have something before I give myself permission to be?

What simple choice of ‘being’ can I make right now that will shape what I do, and eventually what I have?

For Realignment and Refocus

For those seeking further guidance, Freudenberg offers her book, Live Your Legacy: A New Spin on Mourning. She describes it as “a practical, easy-to-digest guidebook filled with insights and journaling prompts designed to help you navigate grief, reclaim your inner strength, and begin building a life rooted in legacy.”

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Photo from Patricia D. Freudenberg.